~Philippians 4:19 NIV
God has done some pretty amazing things for me. He has healed every part of me (heart, body, and soul) that was broken, even when I wasn't aware of their broken state. He has provided for me and gave me miraculous gifts when I was in desperate need. Then, why do I question that He will not give me what I need for today and for tomorrow? But God knows what we need even before we know we need it as a mother knows that her child needs to eat, even if the child does not feel hunger.
I realized also that I fear what He might say if I do ask for them. But the deeper realization is that this fear comes out of self-condemnation. Like a lot of people (especially women), I am the harshest critic of myself than anyone else. God sees us with a love that we will never be able to comprehend. And He sees our flaws with kindness and forgiveness of a father who will correct us in our ways with great compassion.
I have always thought of asking and wanting for nice things was selfish due to the poverty I see out in the world. Does wanting that cute dress bad? But when I do buy it and wear it, I see God's joy in my delight through the mirror and people's compliments. However, I feel guilty for having that Louis Vuitton bag my mom gave me because there are many people, even in Washington DC, who can't even afford to buy a pair of shoes. My mom told me it was part of my inheritance.
The word inheritance is a loaded word. The more I think about it, the more I realize that it is inheriting my family's history and traditions. My family of origin is Filipino, which I am also. I am fluent in Tagalog and in another Filipino dialect. Most of their traditions are deeply ingrained into my heart as they raised me by them with pride. Like the Louis Vuitton brand which has a legacy of quality and style, my family has a legacy of compassion, integrity, and faith.
God does want to me to have the best things just as my earthly family does. So this Louis Vuitton bag my mom gave me should be hanging on my arm with pride with what God has given me, instead of hiding it because of what people might think and feel out of their deluded perceptions and disgruntled envy...
"But if I were you, I would appeal to God; I would lay down my cause before him. He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. He provides rain for the earth; he sends water on the countryside."
~Job 5:8-10 NIV
So, it is my right as a daughter of God to ask what for what I need and desire for He is the one who made all things and me. I should not condemn myself due to my sinful self-centeredness because He sees me with loving kindness as He always have and as He always will. I pray that He helps me overcome my unbelief in His goodness due to my limited human-ness.
