As You Are Still With Me

it is the way you haunt my dreams

the way your shadow looms around me

you whisper delight but I hear pain

you show light but I see darkness

your bones may lie in the earth

but you are embracing me now

telling me what life is really for

joy and happiness...

experiencing what this great world offers

but why am I lying on my back

afraid to move, afraid to die myself

could Death really touch me

as it touched your body in the grave

I know, I know...

I must now live life for the both of us

as you are still with me

and will always be

Kailan Ba Natin Makikita

nasaan ba ang ating kaligtasan

doon ba sa napakalayong lugar

o nandito lang ba sa ating bayan

nakakaawang Pilipinas

puno ng pighati ang ating bansa

parang mga bato sa ating likod

na kailangan nating ilakad sa kabila

kailan ba natin makikita

ang kapayapaan sa lupaing ito

kailan ba natin makikita

ang katarungan para sa mga aliping

nagdusa sa ating mga kamay

kailan ba natin makikita

ang kalayaan na pinagtanggol

ng ating mga bayani

For With Me

if a sword strikes my back

as I stand on the rock

I will not be ashamed to fall

for with me, they too fall

I will not live as a silent witness

my heart may never rest

as my feet roam the earth

when evil still gives birth

to pain and anguish in the human soul

you will find a huge hole

in my already fragile heart

The Rags of Yesterday

I shed the rags of yesterday

The sun has risen for today

Not for tomorrow

Not for past sorrow

Life was meant to live in the present moment

Not for moments so ancient

Fill it with joy not worry

You won't be saying "Sorry!"

In the future uncertain

CLIMBED UP AHEAD

the chasm opened up

the hot fire from deep beneath

roared loud and high

it spewed out a large rock

that violently struck my head

it made me lose consciousness

I was in a coma

for countless moments

a nightmarish world

emerged around my still body

dirty, muddy feet

stepped all over my back

the instant I tried to get up

I felt their heavy weight

I tried to push myself up

but they pushed me back down

I crawled out of their way

found myself clinging to a cliff

that I could climb

but in fear, I just clung

as people flew by me

and climbed up ahead

until I got tired

The Art Museum

Years ago, I would wander

In and out of the figures

Marveling at the history

I probably would never know

I am here again

Recalling my naive innocence

And the fear of the uncertain

But today, I am older

And no longer as afraid

With confidence in my rich past

I now marvel at my future

Knowing I would do things better

Because of lessons of a decade

Jewels Never Loss

I was blinded by the reflected light

What I saw was skewed and bent

I could not see clearly

But I finally did once I moved

And cleared the lights path

I could not hear well

All I heard where the shouts

My ears closed themselves

But I told them to open

And as they did, I also heard whispers

What glorious sounds

My heart froze in fear

As the world crashed in on it

But as I cleaned up the debris

I saw the jewels that I never loss

Just hidden from view

And I'll never lose them either

Because they are embedded inside

In you and me and in the world

And in all of the universe

Inside of God's heart....

Para Sa Iyo, Anak/For You, Child

at huwag mong limutin

ang mga buhay na inalay

para sa iyong kalayaan

ito binigay nila

para ikaw ay mabuhay

kahit ikaw ay tahimik

kahit di mo ipapakita

ang lubha mong pagdurusa

huwag mo lang silang malilimutan

sa kanilang paghihirap

namatay sila sa kamay ng iba

para ikaw ay mabuhay

sa lupain na pinamana

sa iyo, anak

do not forget

the lives they gave

for your freedom

they gave these

so you may live

even if you are silent

even if you do not show

your extreme sadness

do not forget them

in their greatest striving

they died in others' hands

so you may live

in the land they left

for you, child

In the Daring

it is in the daring

that life is found

cowering when thunder crashes

you will still see

the earth burnt from lightning

running away from the flood

on high ground

all you will see is brackish water

speeding up to the summit

you'll be left breathless

but you'll also feel victorious

swimming against the ocean's current

it is an exhausting task

to get to a new but greener land

I Become

recalling the freedom of curiosity

the detachment to the possibilities

I become a little child at play

dismissing the seriousness of adult life

accepting the world's mysteries

I become a naive observer

remembering the wonders that filled me

learning to live out fantasies

I become a playful clown

ignoring staring eyes

enjoying my selfish fancies

I become an ecstatic fool

if I take

if I take the world by the hand

and read some Ayn Rand

see the worker struggling

and the clock ticking

I'd be bounded and stranded

on an island of chains

if I take my soul by the hand

and let it expand

see my spirit gurgling

and my being rising

I shall have apprehended

those who struck with canes

The Tall Statue

the tall statue of the beautiful virgin

watches over old corpses

people visit souls not even there

no one certain where they hover

but headstones anchor them

solidly on the decaying earth

widows talking into the air

mothers sadly tell the ground

stories of the past gone by

as motor engines are heard 

rushing by the highway to the city

nearby children are screaming

as they run away from "it"

Death watches from a street corner

not waiting for another soul

to escort to Hades, but waiting

for the living to leave the graves

Sequential Consequences

sequential consequences abound

systematic chain reactions

permeate the rigid infrastructure

deemed impenetrable

the hardened walls

imprisoned poisons only meant

for one use, not to be recycled

age makes the walls brittle

cracks etched by decay

the outsiders pound harder

as the weakened hostages cry out

the poisons are no longer potent

but so are the antidotes

NOT GUILTY!

the sound of the skull breaking

the metal bullet digging

into the grey matter turning red

as vessels are punctured

and blood engorges the hole

the mother screaming inside

as she silently takes in "NOT GUILTY"

she wants to strangle someone

but restraining herself

she wrings her hand in pain

the judge releases the young men

she remembers the phone call

the voice of a faceless man

informing her son would be killed

and they'd never hug again

could the owner of that voice

be really be one of these men

or we're they really innocent

framed by the laws of greed

and the principles of deceit

Life Slaps You in the Face (English Translation of Sinumpalingan)

This is dedicated to my family and to those whose young sons were murdered even before they lived their life... :(

life slaps you in the face

it utters the untruth

it wrecked the dream of a child

that's filled with laughter

it made the neighbor scream

at the murder of one

by his fellow men

can't understand the anger

that killed a youth

and also a mother's hope

for a tomorrow

of many, many surprises

that she can't even imagine

but instead

she gets the redness of blood

that is used to wash

the hands of evil

Look at the Real World

the hand laid itself down

in surrender to the plan of fate

the paper grew dull and brown

it knew it was very late

the world revealed its nature

in response, the eyes blinded themselves

they never saw the fracture

that broke the bookshelves

the world blared its shouts

the ears deafened in defense

hot air expelled by snouts

the spine became tense

the spirit told the mind

"wake up and look at the real world"

then, a line was drawn by the mind

into the sea, all lies were hurled

sinumpalingan ka ng buhay

sinumpalingan ka ng buhay

binigkas ang pekeng katotohanan

winasak ang panaginip ng bata

na puno ng kagalakan

napasigaw ang kapit-bahay

sa pagsamantala ng isa

sa kapwa niyang tao

na di maintindihan ang galit

na pumatay sa isang binata

na pinatay rin

ang pangarap ng isang inay

para sa kinabukasan

na maraming, maraming sopresa

na di niya talaga maisip-isip

pero ang kapalit nito

ay ang kapulaan ng dugo

na ginamit sa paghugas

ng kamay ng kasamaan

The Lamp

Note: A lamp was the insignia of my high school

the lamp was relit

new oil was poured in

the darkness, the old darkness

faded instantly into the light

the writing on the wall

really never disappeared

just forgotten...

it called me back

to that night I inscribed it

the reason vague

but conviction strong

slowly, I remember 

all the details of my plan

Is Love Real?

in the middle of the night

the scream suddenly comes

in the middle of heavenly slumber

blood drips on my face

I opened my once closed-eyes

and find nothing above me

I turned on the light

and see nothing has changed

the ceiling is immaculately white

still remembering that day

with everyone shocked as I am

I felt numb...

helpless as everyone else

everyone still shocked as I am

we knew how 

but not why it happened

even with many years passing

the crime is still incomprehensible

the senseless death

still fresh in our minds

we all try to go forward

leaving it all behind us

but suicide, homicide, even genocide

is all around us

worthless wars killing millions

why do people kill each other?

is love really real?

or is it something we made up

for our own selfishness?

Pulling Back Together

It is called "reinventing myself"

This pulling back all my fragments

Lost on my walk

On the path of "growing up"

Far away from home

Learning self-reliance

That is only stubborn pride

There is no freedom

In running away from childhood

That troubles me with memories

Escaping the inevitable fate

Of family links

Does nothing for the health

Of my fragile psyche

Reviewing the past

Not just mine's, my parents' also

The history of my genes

Recalling events

Faded into the back of consciousness

Denied to be acknowledged

Because of wounds refused to be healed

An in anticipation of new wounds

Impinging on the heart

Erasing fear, omitting worry

Is what I should do from here on out

As I recover these lost fragments

Shining Above

I lay down my heart

On the brown earth

I tear the grave apart

I bring new birth

It may look dumpy

That's because you're looking down

I shower it with my tears

And till it with my hands

The cloudy sky clears

My spirit stands

It may look hopeless

That's because you need to look up

Your courage may be dead

Your little faith blown away

Once you may have fled

Now there is no choice but to stay

It is in fact bright and beautiful

That's because the sun's shining down

You may have befriended demons

And with them became mischievous

You were handed lemons

It became grievous

It is in fact all right now

That's because the sun's shining above

Deep Beneath

our world is a beautiful one

but its blemishes

make it a very bizarre place

hidden deep beneath

underneath the transitory surface

is a fire that creates

as it fuses old elements

newborn objects of elaborate designs

as they emerge above

sometimes solid

sometimes malleable

all vulnerable to the poisons of the air

some survive with scars

reminders of the never-ending battle

to remain whole in the chaos

Mortal Human Soul

I passed through the sieve

disappeared into the world

diffused into the chaos

fragmented into many tiny pieces

I searched into the abyss

tried to gather myself

I could not find even one

all I saw was others

others who loved me

strangers who harmed me

knowingly or not

I saw the world

I saw that I became the world

my soul became the world

I was entrapped in it

everyone a part of me 

wanting it or not

this is life, life on earth

as a mortal human soul

Leaving Home

home is

where my heart is

every time I leave

I also leave a part of me

behind...

my heart breaks...

I grieve over it

As for a deceased loved one

this is where I found joy

this is where I found happiness

this is where I found love

every time I part from it

I feel like I will 

never ever return

it beckons me

from every corner of the world

it whisper its name

in my ear as I fall asleep

on a bed in a faraway land

I sometimes hear it screaming

begging for my return

but I must ignore its calls

because I must tread

an altogether different path

why should I abort this journey 

when I'm almost at its end

There is Only Hope

jolted out of my skin

with what I have seen

and still continue to see

the amazing miracles

that eternally emerge

out of the cocoon

of this dark earth

the dark-tinted glasses

have finally shattered

and I can finally see

all the amazing hues

of this miraculous planet

we all call home

there was a time

I wanted to kill myself

just like my friend

who only saw despair

now, I do not want to die

I want to live

as long as I am allowed

for all I see is hope

hope that keeps everything alive

The Global Storm

the world has begun to twirl around

it has become the tornado itself

everything is spinning round and round

right in the center is myself

I try to grab something

but the wind knocks it out

upon a rock, I try to cling

but the wind knocks me out

I scream as loud as I can

pushing out all the air in my chest

my voice cannot be heard then

no matter how hard I press

then things settle down

everything's in chaos

my house is all around me

but in many broken pieces

there's my car key

but all the maps are now useless

there's a bag of tea

but all the tea cups are broken

there's a phone

but the wire's been severely cut

beyond repair

where's everyone?

they're all lost too...

just like me...

for how long are we all

to walk aimlessly

trying to find what we have loss

in the biggest storm of all our lives

A Single Thread

a single thread

entwines itself

around and within

all other threads

weaved together

as a net

as a blanket

enveloping the chaos

the beautiful chaos

that is the unseen

but visible

to a trained eye

who sees exquisiteness

in the mutating form

the threads arrived

to enjoy its beauty

this chaos underneath

to master it

in all its wonders

Poetic Penchant

my penchant for the poetic arts

transformed itself

into a bountiful fruit

that does not rot or spoil

nor be completely devoured

like the finest wine of the world

it ages gracefully

with a beautiful flavor

like a phoenix from its ashes

time and time again

it reemerges in vibrant colors

from its grave embedded inside me

but new seeds of possibilities

come with each and every

rising, an everlasting renewal

Styrofoam Beads

the small beads

of styrofoam scratched out

of the padding board

in the package 

that I arrived with

fall on my worthless dreams

sprinkling like snow

inside a snow globe

that had values ages ago

but many eons passed

and water rusted the iron frames

wind eroded the solid rock wall

disillusionment takes its place

among my fading worthless dreams

confusion rules my generation

chaos rules our hearts and minds

but everyone nowadays

are all lost people anyhow

for one day

we'll believe in one thing

with our most upright stances

unwaveringly on our feet

then there comes a day

when we are told

something else

and then

the truth becomes a lie

today

I stand on the rock

of Point Lookout

on the harbor of my life

and I see the murky waters

I want to put a chlorine tablet

maybe a whole bucketful

but that would destroy the liner

I placed years ago

with the strong acidic reaction

killing all the living things

in the harbor waters

maybe I should

maybe the liner should go

it serves no purpose

but shielding me

from the outside world

that I should stop fearing

and let all the organisms die

they're all so useless anyway

and some of them

are even dangerous parasites

sucking life out of the harbor

so, let me start anew and afresh

Sailing Away

the fabric

of what I thought was real

the threads

of the unreal web

unravel

in front of my jaded eyes

the prison gang

that I used to align with

falls away from my view

I unaweringly, deliberately

brought up my anchor

and I drifted

drifted away

beyond their horizon

and as I drift farther

farther and farther away

all I see...

is a horizon

a horizon never-ending

a horizon with never-ending

never-ending possibilities

of a world I have never known

of a life I've never imagined

henceforth...

I raise my mast

and sail towards

the western seas

where the sun

continues to shine

until the dawning of twilight

the twilight that gives rest

to those who've strived

strived hard all day long

free of prison chains

A Microscopic Dart

a microscopic dart

tainted with dark poisons

pierced through my heart

(unbeknownst to me)

without realizing it

my spirit was being paralyzed

by an imaginary force

that was not any more powerful

than a gentle wind...

rustling the leaves of an oak tree

the force blindfolded me

it tried to imprison me

it tried to enslave me

for a while

I let it take over me

then, the dawn of one spring day

thawed the icy veil

tightly entwining me

in its greedy grip

and I finally saw

the lie hiding the most powerful truth

the Force behind all things