Numbed Again

Numbed again...

These cycles just repeat and repeat

Like living looped videos.

I am a marionette

Attached to thousands of hands.

I cut the strings with imaginary scissors

But I am still an automaton...

Waiting hopelessly for liberty;

Freedom so unattainable

That hell cannot be worse than this.

Mawawala Sa Isang Sandali

Ilang daan ang patungo
Sa kandungan ng sapat na yaman
Kailan mo masasabi na
Alam mo na ang lahat
Na di mo na kailangan
Pag-aralan ang mga aklat
Na nilikha nila noon
Sa panahon ng maraming kaalaman

Masasabi mo ba
Na alam mo ang lahat ng solusyon
Para sagipin ang lahat
Habang nakaupo ka
Sa pinakamataas na lugar
Bumibigay ang semento ng fundasyon
Ng gusali na tinayo mo
Na akala mo talagang matibay

Sa iyong limitadong pagtingin
Nakatago sa iyo ang perlas
Maliit na perlas sa ilalim ng dagat
Nandoon ang tunay na yaman
Na doon mo lang mahahanap
Ito ba ang pinaghirapan
Buong buhay mo
Na mawawala sa isang sandali

Maling Aklat, Maling Lihim

Sa kabiluguan ng mundo...

Ikot-ikot ang araw at buwan.

Dumaan din ang mga bagyo;

Sa dami, nalimutan ko ang mga pangalan.

Biglang napagising ako ng kidlat

Sa kama na di ko matandaan.

Ang panahon na nakaraan...

Dinaanan ako sapagka't...

Nalimutan ko din ang pangalan ko.

Nalimutan ko na ang lahat.

Nalimutan ko ang pangako ko

Na sinulat ko sa lumang aklat.

Sinulat ko para matandaan

Ng puso ko ang tama;

Para ang sakit di madama

Ng iba na di ko mabigyan pangalan.

Lihim na di ko mabukas

Dahil kung ito'y sumabog

Lahat ay magwawakas

Sa kanyang pagsabog.

Hindi naman mawawasak ang lahat.

Ito lang ang iyong puso umiiyak.

Sabi ng Panginoon tungkol sa aklat

Sa Kanyang kamay biniyak.

Walk Around the Corner

We look across the sea
When we need to just look at another
Walk around the corner
The nemesis we will see

Just climb down the stair
Listen to the buzz of the street
To the voices belonging to the feet
And look at their stare

As your paths meet
See the sadness, bitterness
In faces so nameless
Why not take a seat

Look beyond their dress
In their eyes you will see
What should not be
Smile, and give it a rest

Perfect Peace

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
-Isaiah 26:3 NIV

Outward circumstances are nothing compared to to the peace that You give to my heart. Things may be going haywire; but as You assure me that You have everything under Your control, the more confident I am in Your goodness. Thank You, Lord!

Forget Not All His Benefits (Psalm 103:1-5)

I am an avid reader of the "Verse of the Day" of the You Version app. My day does not seem complete without it. Today's (Thursday, July 17, 2014) "Verse of the Day" is Psalm 103:1-2: "Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits--" (Please take note that I almost always use the New International Version Bible or in short, NIV.) Forget not all his benefits--that stood out to me this morning as I read it; and so, I kept reading the whole Psalm 103.

Verse 3 says "who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases" 

--I thought about what sin really meant to me. Then I realized that it is also the stubborn, self-centered errors in our thinking and in our ways (even though we hardly give it much weight but it is still sin, disobedience to God). He forgives all these...

--Then I asked myself: "What are my diseases? Physical? Mental? Emotional? Psychological? Spiritual?"

Psychological--the comparison trap, the need to impress (this comes a lot from my family and what Washington DC is trying to convince me of)

Emotional--the fear of abandonment and neglect, the worry of not giving enough to relationships (with God, family, and friends), the worry that I am not enough, bitterness of betrayal (from work and personal relationships)

Spiritual--the doubt that God will not give everything I need, the fear of His wrath, the lies of the enemy, and mostly, my weak and wavering faith

Mental--negative thinking, distorted truths, disorderly thoughts/mental process

(The physical ones are way too many for me to even think about without getting a headache. LOL!)

Verse 4 says "who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion"
He takes you out of depression, tragic situations, and situations that are essentially bad for you. He shows you a better way to be, how to help yourself and others through love and compassion.

Lastly, verse 5 says "who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."
He gives us hope as He reveals His goodness to us. His love and His treasure chest will never run dry. As each day passes, I see that He can't stop surprising me with His miracles and keeps outdoing Himself all the time. I am in a good place today but there are still things that worry and irk me from my personal life, career, family, relationships, and of course, money... But I know if I keep trusting Him and stop being stubborn in my own ways, Jesus Christ will come and lighten all my burdens as He has done in the past.

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME!

Trusting Jesus in the Minutest Details

Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.
-Isaiah 43:19

Before New Year's Day 2014 after Christmas, I spent most of my free time on the Idealist website searching for volunteers opportunity. I saw that the Young Women's Christian Association-National Capital Region (YWCA-NCA) was looking for teacher/tutor volunteers for their General Education Development (GED) certification preparation program. I ended up being a math teacher and I have been with them for about seven months now. I thought I never could have done it...

First, I always thought I was very bad at mathematics. I remember the torture of my high school pre-calculus class and the chemistry and physics classes. They all dealt with complicated computations that I could never wrap my mind around. I was always messing up my own calculations somewhere... And never could figure out where it happened until someone sat with me one on one to show me. This made me realize how important it is to spend time with students when it comes to their hurdles.

Second, I've always thought I talked too fast for anyone to understand anything I say. But this teaching experience taught me different... If I was passionate enough, I would get through to these struggling students. And I did, I got one student to the next level in about six or eight weeks. It was mostly spending time with her explaining how to solve word problems regarding multiplication and division.

I could have never done this without Jesus guiding me each step of the way. He stood beside me as I struggled to explain things I was still confused about especially those severely loathed fractions. He told me to be compassionate when students' nerves were getting to them. He gave me patience when they kept asking me to repeat the same thing over and over again. And He also taught me to be wise and gentle with my co-teachers and the staff members of the YWCA... If this program is to succeed in making an impact in these people's lives, the team had to work together in great unity and being impertinent and impatient would just hinder the fulfillment of organization's mission (which is the ultimate goal).

Along the way, I also learned how to be better prepared and organized with lesson planning. I realized not having a plan was pure chaos. Today is the first day of my Summer 2014 term, I planned ahead and I feel very confident that I will have a great evening with my students tonight. God is getting all the credit for my lesson plans for I could have not created any of these ideas on my own. I was confounded with what activities to do in my classes. Out of desperation, I pleaded to God; and He told me to rely on Him with every little detail. As I have been doing lately, He's given me ideas that I am excited to teach and a great spark of hope that I am making a difference (and I will be rewarded with a well-paying job with my dedication to this volunteer experience).